I no longer remember where I first found the perspective I am about to share, but I do know that it wasnt my own work, so Ill honor its creator anonymously. The idea I am referring to suggests that the first, and theoretically lowest, form of love we experience is that we love someone else based on how we feel within ourselves in his or her presence. It is sort of a what have you done for me lately? kind of love. When I think back of how I thought and felt about things as a young adult, I definitely see that I was operating from a place like that. There was a belief in me that some perfect woman could fulfill me in ways that I couldnt achieve on my own. Of course, me trying to coerce a woman into behaving in alignment with that ever shifting quicksand of obsessive need didnt work too well either. The three pieces of writing that follow mark points along my path away from an unhealthy, conflict filled way of relating and toward a more respectful nurturing existence. Specifically for me, that also has meant a movement away from the societal norm of the nuclear family and toward a more ancestral form of family a tribal family, if you will